1 Zola and Retail Marketing
2 Playing the Waiting Game
3 Beware the Ides of March
4 The county not on a map
5 Chinese Chess in Beijing
6 Build it and They'll Come
7 Riding the Water Dragon
8 The Best of Both Worlds
9 Storming the Great Wall
10 Welcome to the Wangba
11 The Catcher in the Rice
12 The Marriage Business
13 The Crouching Dragon
14 Counting the Numbers
15 A Century of Migration
16 Shooting for the Stars
17 Rise of Yorkshire Puds
18 Harry Potter in Beijing
19 Standing Out in China
20 Self-pandactualisation
21 Strolling on the Moon
22 Tea with the Brothers
23 Animated Guangzhou
24 Trouble on the Farms
25 Christmas in Haerbin
26 Dave pops into Tesco
27 A Breath of Fresh Air
28 The Boys from Brazil
29 Rolls-Royce on a roll
30 The Great Exhibition
31 Spreading the Word
32 On Top of the World
33 Moonlight Madness
34 Beijing's Wild West
35 Avatar vs Confucius
36 Brand Ambassadors
37 Inspiring Adventure
38 China's Sweet Spot
39 Spinning the Wheel
40 Winter Wonderland
41 The End of the Sky
42 Ticket to Ride High
43 Turning the Corner
44 Trouble in Toytown
45 Watch with Mother
46 Red-crowned Alert
47 In a Barbie World
48 Domestic Arrivals
49 Tale of Two Taxis
50 Land of Extremes
51 Of 'Mice' and Men
52 Tour of the South
53 Brooding Clouds?
54 The Nabang Test
55 Guanxi Building
56 Apple Blossoms
57 New Romantics
58 The Rose Seller
59 Rural Shanghai
60 Forbidden Fruit
61 Exotic Flavours
62 Picking up Pace
63 New Year, 2008
64 Shedding Tiers
65 Olympic Prince
66 London Calling
67 A Soulful Song
68 Paradise Lost?
69 Brandopolises
70 Red, red wine
71 Finding Nemo
72 Rogue Dealer
73 Juicy Carrots
74 Bad Air Days
75 Golden Week
76 Master Class
77 Noodle Wars
78 Yes We Can!
79 Mr Blue Sky
80 Keep Riding
81 Wise Words
82 Hair Today
83 Easy Rider
84 Aftershock
85 Bread vans
86 Pick a card
87 The 60th
88 Ox Tales
2001 to 2007

Harry Potter & The Beijing Bendybus

Harry Potter and the Beijing Bendybus

Most of those who have ever cycled in Beijing and lived to tell the tale would have entertained countless muggles (non-cyclists, who don’t have the power to cheat death on a daily basis) with stories of scrapes, near-misses, and worse.  Before long – sooner rather than later if there is an attentive audience – the Beijing cyclist will get around to recounting the tale of the “big-one” which, through the magic of story-telling, becomes an increasingly large badge of honour instead of the portent of doom nature intended it to be.  Then there are those who prefer to stay silent.  I am one of their number.

   While cycling in Beijing, I have experienced horrors that I can still not bring myself to talk of.  I have been within a second of being annihilated, with several seconds to think about my fate.  The really frightening bit is that throughout the ordeal I knew I was powerless to save myself.  I have heard the mocking cry of “Zhuyi anquan! Zhuyi anquan! Zhuyi anquan! [Be careful! Be careful! Be careful!]” while feeling its icy metal squeezing me, vice-like, against unforgiving parked cars.  I now have a bone-chilling idea what it must be like to feel oneself slipping between a soon-to-be-departing London Underground tube train and the station platform while hearing the warning to “Mind the gap… Mind the gap… Mind the bloody gap”.     
   I haven’t read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – the dénouement of JK Rowling’s seven book series – but I did see the trailer for the film (Part 1) the other day as I was strolling around Beijing.  I have to say that, if the best that you know who – Harry’s nemesis – can summon is a swarm of Death Eaters, then the Boy who Lived is in for a walk in the park.  It could have been much, much worse… he could have found himself written into a storyline that has him on a bike in Beijing pursued by a Beijing Bendybus… The bus whose name should never be mentioned. 
   No amount of training in defence against the Dark Arts would have prepared him for the ordeal with you know what, whose drivers have spent years perfecting the skill of sandwich-making using only cold metal and a sweaty cyclist. 
   As novel as this may appear, the seemingly wizard idea of creating a Harry Potter storyline with Chinese characteristics – with or without the noble aim of persuading a generation of young Chinese readers that reading can actually be great fun – is not new.   
   In China, you could be forgiven for not knowing that Ms Rowling has capped her effort at a stingy seven Potter books.  For those with an insatiable appetite for all things Harry, there is an ever-growing number of Potter books to choose from:   
   Harry Potter and the Hiking Dragon; Harry Potter and the Chinese Porcelain Doll; Harry Potter and the Young Heroes; Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and Harry Potter; Harry Potter and the Water-repelling Pearl; Harry Potter and Leopard-Walk-Up-to-Dragon; Harry Potter and the Golden Turtle; Harry Potter and the Big Funnel – not to mention the topical Harry Potter and the Chinese Overseas Students at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  To name just a few of those published.    
   Then there’s Harry Potter and The Showdown, whose author, a Mr Li from Shanghai, told the New York Times: “I bought Harry Potter 1 through 6 for my son a couple of years ago, and when he finished reading them, he kept asking me to tell him what happens next… We couldn’t wait, so I began making up my own… I had to get up early and go to bed late to write this novel...”  Mr Li’s industry was not in vain – more than 150,000 people claimed to have read his book.  
   At least it’s clear that Mr Li is the author of Harry Potter and The Showdown.  Less honourably, the publisher of “Harry Potter and the Strange Horned Beast”, not only claims that the book is written by JK Rowling, they also include her photo and bio.  Even the easily-fooled, though, would be wondering about the credibility of the plot suggested by the illustration on the book’s cover: a triceratops and a stick insect from the film, a Bug’s Life (reproduced below from images that appear at 'mutantfrog' website).
   Its publisher, The Inner Mongolian People’s Publishing Company, was presumably trying to do its bit to help the region’s tourism drive (Inner Mongolia boasts one of the world’s most important dinosaur fossil grounds, at Erenhot, in the Gobi desert, close to the border with Mongolia). 
   Then there was what was claimed to be the “eighth” Potter book, “Harry Potter and The Chinese Empire”, which was published and promoted in Shanghai. This effort combined famous Chinese fictional characters of yore with Hogwarts characters in a kung-fu-fighting extravaganza. 
   As well as the pile of fake titles that have appeared, there is a book-mountain of counterfeit titles (using official and unofficial translations of the actual seven-book series): 
   One of the most popular of these was the translation of the Deathly Hollows, which was available in China months before the official translation arrived at the book shops.  In fact it was finished – by a team of university students working round the clock, “eating nothing but instant noodles” (according to Reuters) – within days of the publication of the 759-page original.  In mitigation, the students said, "We translated the book because we love Harry… and we do not intend to use it for commercial purposes”.  I am sure JK Rowling and her team of legal advisers were perfectly relaxed after hearing that.     
   But there is one silver lining in the dark cloud of fakery that hangs over the Chinese Harry Potter market, and that’s the hype that these “authors” and translators add to what is already a wildly successful brand.  Indeed, the controversy concerning dubious translations (widely reported in the Chinese press) also translates into more people paying to watch the (officially-released) films at Chinese cinemas. 
   Cinema goers paid more than 200 million yuan last year to watch Deathly Hallows Part 1, the tenth-highest-grossing film of the year (not a bad achievement considering it was launched on November 19th and is still going strong).  That said, I would be surprised if many more than a handful of official DVDs of the Harry Potter franchise have been sold... but that’s another story.
   As you can see from the attached photograph, the latest release in the film series continues to play to an eager audience in the capital.  I took the photo of the end frame of the trailer outside of Joy City, in the Chaoyang district, which houses the Jinyi international cinema – one of the most impressive in China.    
   It wasn’t until I put the image on the computer screen that I saw the chilling, unearthly shape of you know what – the bus whose name should not be mentioned.     
   Harry Potter’s seven-book struggle against evil has come to an end, but my battle with my nemesis is set to continue as soon as the weather warms up and I get back on my bike. 

From Hogwarts to Inner Mongolia